All I want’s a Henry, small and smiling,A friendly vacuum cleaner for my floors,
To lift the fluff up from the kitchen tiling,
Manoeuvre round the table legs and doors.
Light enough to manage on the staircase,
Compact enough to fit under the stairs,
Well-rated as efficient (it won first place,
With suction ample for the dust and hairs).
I placed an order for a Henry cleaner
Last weekend, and paid more for ‘Superspeed’
With Amazon (the final price still keener),
Deliv’ry Monday morning guaranteed.
I stayed in Monday, all anticipation,
Intent to get the cleaning off the blocks;
But nothing came. I rang: no information…
Then they confessed: the wrong van had my box—
But it was labelled, so there’d be no barrier
In sending Henry on: and DPD
Were said to be a reputable carrier;
My missing pack would soon be here with me.
No. They insisted there had been no answer
(So why not leave a ‘out’ card in that case?),
Then the address was wrong (this man’s a chancer),
And then that there was no sign of my place!
The order was refunded without question,
I tried again: high cost, but problem solved,
And time in hand to beat the Yule congestion—
If only DPD’d not been involved…
Somewhere out there’s a Henry with my name on,
All poised and ready to spruce up my pad—
I need him here. I hate to pile the blame on,
But DPD, it really is too bad.
